Thursday, 6 November 2014

BIG BUMS ARE IN!




Dear friends, I will soon be relocating to the Democratic republic of Congo, I know this will come as a surprise to many of you, but no, I shall not be pursuing the con men that Buyer Beware exposes, they do have a tendency of disappearing into the DRC don't they, and no I have not become a con too.




I came to this decision after reading a magazine article on how women in the DRC are killing themselves in the hope of adding to their sitting allowance. In disbelief I read of their struggles with swallowing a daily regime of concoctions that consist of Maggi stock cubes (these are not very different from Royco Cubes), C4 Syrup or pills, and raw ginger juice. other potions include dongo dongo Gombo a soup made from hibiscus. can you imagine the agony of swallowing raw royco?  what astounded me the most was that this mixtures are at times shot right up the rectum for better efficacy. That is how determined my sisters in Kinshasa are.



 

Of course back home in Kenya we have seen the growth of river road back street physicians, man those people have surely made a killing. Unlike DRC's butt enhancement module that is clear on the ingredients I have no idea what the magic substances used in the Kenyan treatment is. That is a trade secret well kept. 






On this perverted streets of Nairobi,I have had the unfortunate encounter of people including women take a pinch at my derriere just to confirm if it is real. you see the good Lord in His infinite wisdom blessed me with a rather generous portion of a bottom complete with hips to complement it. The times I have been asked if it is real are uncountable and I will not even mention the numerous suggestions that could be carrying my neighbour's behind too. I am grateful that I am now comfortable in my skin, the struggle has been long and real (that is a story for another day).


our very own Veyra Sidika


According to the numerous literature on this topic, men in DRC are no longer attracted to the thin clementine types (remember her from song of Lawino). They only have eyes for the well formed buttocks and properly filled out bossoms, as African women world wide are re-discovering their natural hair men are yearning for the true African proportions. 


Nastou Traore an Ivorian actress is said to be the catalyst of this body image change in the DRC

Now in DRC unlike here at home I will not be the object of curiosity surprise or shock but of admiration and pure desire, my behind will be celebrated, thus the reason I will make this move. Mine will no longer be a caricature or a Saartjes Bartmaan life. No, it will be a normal life with a normal body, there shall be no need to consume dangerous toxins through my behind because hey it is all natural.



I could even get a job consulting on how to acquire well rounded, firm and extra large buttocks. My target clients will certainly be all the desperate ladies in Bukavu, Kisangani, Lubumbashi, Mbuji-Mayi and of course Kinshasa where I will be based. good bye lunges and squats. 



I must refresh my French knowldge beyond 'Je ne parle Francaise' and I may need to buy more Koffi Olomide music and hook up with Piston to learn some Lingala that will be quite helpful in my new quest. 



Jezra M  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Jezra-M-/422431987870267?fref=ts

Then I slap myself back to reality





13 comments:

  1. Well well, Aqua you are bootylicious! What A read! now I could be ur assistant well not as endowed as you are my butt got em callin!lol Much love Amanda

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    1. Amanda dearest the more the merrier. let us hit the road.

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  2. Lol!I should take a look again before you relocate.Therein lies a generation.

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    1. David, you will be left behind, join the band wagon.

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  3. I was seriously hoping to catch a glimpse of your Derrière. Dissapointment is an understatement :-(

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    1. if you did you would roughly drag me on one of your torturous fitness regimes. good job by the way.

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  4. Christine...this blog is like a meeting... What am wondering is, you convened a meeting to discuss the sitting allowance..."the agenda of this meeting is to discuss sitting allowance."

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  5. I really should make something out of this my posterior seeing as it has a life of its own.
    Joseh

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    1. lol, quit wasting Natural gifts. see the lengths women are going to.

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